It’s not be all men who make the comments but how many men call out their fellow men, how many men say ‘she probably knows what she’s doing’, how many men say ‘that’s not an appropriate comment’ how many men say ‘don’t talk to her like that’ how many men say ‘ leave her alone, she’s not interested’ Their silence means they are complicit. I am fed up with women being told they have to fix this. No it’s men who do it and it’s men who need to fix it.
It may not be easy to call out your friends but it’s not easy to constantly be the recipient of these comments and harassment. It’s time for not all men to stand up and be counted.
Not cycling, but the mountaineering world is chock full of this as well. Some of my 'favourites': the man who accosted me on a high peak in the Lakes one December afternoon with the line 'you do realise it's going to get dark soon?'; the man, also in the Lakes on a different day, who informed me I should be in boots not the trainers in which I'd been to 5,000m in the Himalaya a few weeks before; the Italian guide in the Himalaya who had no relationship to me but insisted on re-doing my abseil set up after I'd done it exactly correctly myself; the French guy at a crag in Chamonix who took it upon himself to walk over and 'check' the knot on my climbing harness, which just happened to involve him pawing around my groin; the elderly gent on the Malvern hills who informed me I was wearing too little clothing for the 'strong winds' on the summit 5 metres away. Etc etc. And that's not even to get started on the mansplaining from shop assistants.
I have also, obviously climbed with many men who have built my confidence, and very literally put their lives in my hands. But I am absolutely sure that the frequent implicit questioning of my competence, usually by random strangers who have no need to talk to me at all, has held me back from feeling as sure of my self as my skills, fitness and experience should have allowed me to feel. (Yes, I'm angry - and then my default is to try to tone that down, and acknowledge once again that 'it's not all men'.)
Can second ALL of this- particularly in trad climbing which is very much the domain of older men! My partner and I were on a trip to Turkey a couple of years ago at the same time as a large group of older men. I was climbing really well and they were lavishing me with praise and surprised admiration, and my partner was getting a little down that they weren't giving him the same praise for climbing the exact same things. I had to explain it was a double edged sword- sure they were praising me, but that's because as a man, they EXPECTED him to climb that grade, but were surprised when a woman did it.
I'm part of an amazing community of women climbers and I've had some truly wonderful experiences with women at crags the last couple of years, have made me realise that the last thing I should care about is what old men think of me.
Oh, these stories are INFURIATING! (I've heard many similar ones from friends who climb and hike and trek.) And since I wrote this piece a couple of weeks ago, I've been thinking of all the ways in which this sustained pattern of behaviour must, as you say, have affected my confidence, and the way I move through the world. I keep remembering times where I've deliberately kept a low profile (despite often being the most capable and experienced person in a group), because I know how tricky some men's behaviour can get when someone threatens their ego.
I'm not going to list out all my experiences because it would take a very long time and I'd rather use this time to say thank you for writing all of those down, and for opening up this space for women to unload.
I read your whole list and some of those are just unbelievable, the gaul of some people!
I'll quickly summarise some of mine: working in a bike shop and the countless times I was overlooked and outright ignored for a male colleague when they wanted advice I could readily give, or simply being asked "is there someone I can talk to about X?", which I would respond to with "yes, me".
Working in the cycling media (and for once I'm going to be explicit and say it: for Bikeradar) and having my male colleagues literally talk over my head like I wasn't there, getting the opinion of everyone sat at the bank of desks except mine, telling me every time I pitched an idea for women's content, "it's not a priority", and not being invited to their weekend rides, presumably on the assumption that I couldn't do them.
Here's a lovely specific example: being looked up and down with gormless confusion when I told a man I'd ridden 200km in a day (yes I'm fat, get over it).
So many similar examples to yours as well - having a wheel snatched out of my hands while in the middle of fixing my own puncture, being mistaken for someone letting her male partner fix her bike when he's actually fixing his own, being called at from a car to "pedal harder and catch up" to the complete strangers on their own ride further up the road from me, because heaven forbid a woman has a nice time riding on her own, and just all the sheer disbelief that I can happily pedal out into the middle of nowhere and sleep in a bivvy bag without fear of being raped and murdered left, right and centre, like that's the only reality I should be prepared to accept.
That's interesting (and reassuring) to hear. I've often felt quite isolated and unable to talk about my experience working for them. And I agree they're not the only ones at all. Just my experience working there was particularly damaging to my mental health.
Yep, can definitely identify with some of these. The thing I encounter most often is blokes suddenly finding extra energy when you pass them and then chasing hard just to show you who's boss. Even in the city - one time I had a guy come up to me stopped at the lights: "You're actually quite fast. I was having trouble keeping up." (Ok, but why do you have to?) Also had the "you're doing great" while being passed by a bloke on an e-bike going uphill (yes, I know) - and had to call my husband out for making a similar comment when we passed a woman cycling uphill on her own.
I have lived for 40 years with a lovely man who is far more competent and experienced in bike mechanics than I am. But I often ride solo, I coach cycling and lead groups and I know enough to be self sufficient and to help others with roadside repairs. I observe this lovely man jumping in to assist other riders because he IS competent and he IS quick to get punctures repaired or mechanical glitches fixed. In fairness to him he does not discriminate between men and women who need help but what frustrates me is that his capability gets in the way of my learning when we are together. He has great difficulty holding back from giving me help and advice even when I ask him to leave me to work things out for myself or when I tell him his help is not welcome. He thinks I am being ungracious, and he is right. Because there is no gracious way to tell someone to butt out. Especially when they may then have to stand by and watch you make a pigs ear of whatever you are attempting to do.
I am a kinetic and a visual learner. For me, looking at a problem and taking the time I need to reach a solution (which sometimes involves seeking help) is empowering and satisfying and embeds the learning. In a group of women cyclists the problem solving is markedly different from in a group with men. Emily you are so right that most men step in regardless of whether they know what they are doing or talking about, just because of an assumption that however hopeless they may be their Y chromosomes must make them more useful than any of the women. Without doubt I am more skilled in bike mechanics than at least half of the men I ride with.
But I see and hear women on every club ride deferring to male riders whenever a problem occurs and willingly standing aside while men interfere with their bikes. If we are going to change men's attitudes we need women to take ownership of the bikes they ride and take responsibility for understanding what they need know to keep their wheels rolling and their brakes braking.
I like riding with women. I am attracted to other women riders. I often pedal faster to try to catch them up and always strike up conversations with them if I can. Women on bikes are invariably competent women. Not necessarily competent bike mechanics but competent people who have the ability to look at problems and work out what to do when things go wrong without help or intervention from men.
On multi day events it is the camaraderie of the women that I love and the feeling that I am respected and accepted for what I am doing without it being a big issue or a talking point. And I always seek out other women when looking for help. Unless the lovely man I have spent the last 40 years with is nearby, and on those occasions he just recognises what I need before I know myself and he jumps right in and fixes it for me.
Ah yes, it's such a complex problem, isn't it? I won't pretend I'm not grateful, sometimes, when someone swoops in and offers to help me with something. I've also been thinking a lot this past week about how some of us instinctively defer to men. I know I've done this in the past, and I think it probably does just exacerbate the problem. But often it feels like the easiest option, because men can behave so badly when they're challenged, or their egos are threatened. I can see how a lot of women probably just want to follow the path of least resistance. I'm going to try to do so less in the future. (And also to spend more time riding with women, when all of this ceases to be an issue.)
Thanks so much for your very considered and thought-provoking comment.
I believe it is all an innate programming that all men are wired with; playing the knight in shining armor to save any fair maiden who I s pedaling upon thy two wheeled chariot!
It was a man who cycled up behind my group in Richmond Park and said: you need to check your rear wheel skewer-it’s loose. I knew this was unlikely, for a start I think I would feel if my skewer was loose. I stopped to check, while calling to my group that I’d try to catch them up. My skewer was not loose. He had been confused by the shape of it and assumed it was loose.
I do think that he was trying to be kind and I do hope that he would have stopped anyone if he thought there was a problem with their bike………..
Thanks for this post, Emily. You have done a service to men as well as women - the essential point you make is all the starker for being largely in the form of men’s own crass words and deeds. Incidentally male cyclists also often behave in a way that makes other men feel excluded, for example by assuming knowledge, or using off colour language. Not everyone knows or cares about the details of their drive chain: asking me if that’s a 46/33 will result in a glazed look at best…
It's been very interesting to see, in people's reactions to this essay, how many men also find themselves on the receiving end of behaviour like this. I don't think it entirely removes the gendered element of it, but it's helping me understand the scope of this behaviour a bit better.
Thanks Emily. After I left my comment it occurred to me that you and others might think I was trying to make this about men, rather than what women suffer, which certainly wasn’t my intention. I totally agree that women suffer far more than other men from terrible male behaviour.
I genuinely hope I don't act in this way towards females, cyclists or otherwise. I certainly hope I haven't towards your good self. What I will say is with a lifetime of cycling behind me mainly on the road, but also off road and in self supported bike packing events, I am not particularly hands on and welcome anyone with more expertise and knowledge of bike mechanics than I. If the individual is not of the male gender do I care, not one jot. At 68 years old I'll happily accept a problem shared is a problem halved and usually solved.
…seriously? A man just gave a thoughtful, open-minded, and supportive comment, and the first thing you do is criticize him? This is a huge reason so many of us hesitate to engage in this sort of soul searching—you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
How about you stop letting your feelings be hurt at a simple, neutral correction? No one criticized Kevin, or tried to shame him for his use of ‘females’, they provided a better word choice and explained why we don’t like being called ‘females’.
Now you may wish to prepare yourself because here’s where I DO get insulting:
Gods, and they say WOMEN are the emotional ones. 🙄🙄
I’m both because they’re the same thing. Neither term offends me, particularly given the context.
Kevin basically agreed with the author and promised to be mindful of his behavior, and he did so in polite and reasonable fashion. You’re missing the forest for the trees by complaining about his nomenclature, imo.
It’s a good piece and a timely reminder for us men who may even subconsciously be disrespectful. However it’s important to balance this; I could mirror many of your examples , that is a man talking to me (a male) about tyres, distance, ability, competence, etc etc. usually patronising , sometimes aggressively, sometimes in awe. I’ve come accept that in the most part it’s well meaning and not disrespectful to me as a cyclist. Of more concern to me as a male, is how generally women put themselves down with comments ‘I don’t go as fast, far etc’ as you. Before they’ve even ridden with me.
I don’t consider it as a ‘suffer’ . It’s usually genuinely well meant even if the delivery might not be as one would wish. Perhaps one should see the general picture as another human, being curious, kind and awed.
Definitely had the puncture one even in a big group of women cyclists all waiting while we sorted a puncture. It shut him up though when I got out my mini compressor pump.....women definitely not expected to have anything gadgety 😃
Saw a social media post recently from a man trying to pass a woman on a technical downhill section in a MTB race, she asked him to wait. He promised to show her the best line if she slowed and let him pass. She gave him what for as he persisted in hassling, riding just behind her. The poster was quite offended that she didn't respond as he wanted. The comments underneath depressingly missed the point completely. 🙄
One of my current theories on this is that some men feel extremely threatened when they're doing something they find challenging, and along comes a person they perceive as weaker or lesser - achieving exactly the same thing they are. So while the way they react to us can feel very personal, it's really just a frantic and desperate attempt to salvage their own ego, and rewrite the situation so that they can keep on being the hero of their own story. Not that that really makes it any better, of course.
Men throughout their lives are told ‘boys will be boys’, so when it’s time to be a man they don’t know! They don’t know. And I’m sick of it, we all are. As women we are conditioned to behave well, to be heard not seen, to present ourselves a certain way whilst men get away with everything. Society needs to do better. Men need to do better. We’ve done our part and now we need to be loud about it more than ever. Complicity is a silent killer.
This made for such uncomfortable reading, and I'm so glad it exists and that I sat through it, reading with secondhand (and, thankfully, only some firsthand) embarrassment. Thank you, thank you for writing this. Not all men indeed, but more than enough that the rest of mandom has the weight of responsibility to right their wrongs.
It was a man who told me «You can go now» when I had to slam on the brakes at a crosswalk with a red pedestrian crossing light after someone's dog ran away and crossed the street, which was full of cars and bicycles at full speed. It was chaos as everyone stopped trying to find the dog's owner. When she was found nearby, this man out of nowhere said to me: «Get on your bike. You can go now». Clearly he considered himself the one in authority among all those involved. Thank you for your post!
I've had this in running. Out in the hills with a group of guys in the running club. I knew I was slower than them, they knew it. One of them offered to make sure I wasn't dropped, maybe do a shorter run with me to ensure we were back at the same time as the group - this happened in bigger groups, I just happened to be the only slower....and female....runner in the group. The caring guy who offered to stay with me was up the front, almost literally a mile away. at some point someone else noticed I was behind by a way, paused and waited for me to catch up. I simply said I was going to head home.....oh then came the "are you sure you can find your way off the hill safely".....errr, obviously, I'm a mountain leader and teach navigation, and know these hills really well - this is what I knew to be the truth. I honestly can't remember what I replied, but was left feeling incredibly let down by the 'caring' guy who didn't give a toss about the false promise and the lack of concern as he ran off with the group in the opposite direction to me.
All of this. Thank you for articulating this Emily. It’s not all men but it is always a man. Can we add bike shops to the list of places that are intimidating? We had a wonderful, inclusive, friendly shop which sadly closed and now use the next closest one - I don’t drive so have little choice if my bike is broken! The difference in experience me and my (male) partner have there is stark. I won’t go in there alone unless it’s desperate.
I have some very good bike shop stories, and some very bad ones.
Was very sad recently to hear that one of my favourites - Brixton Cycles - has closed its doors. They were always very decent to customers, and are probably responsible for me not giving up cycling during my first six months on the road.
But yes, some of the people who work in bike shops really don't get it, and sadly we don't always get a choice of which ones we use.
It’s not be all men who make the comments but how many men call out their fellow men, how many men say ‘she probably knows what she’s doing’, how many men say ‘that’s not an appropriate comment’ how many men say ‘don’t talk to her like that’ how many men say ‘ leave her alone, she’s not interested’ Their silence means they are complicit. I am fed up with women being told they have to fix this. No it’s men who do it and it’s men who need to fix it.
It may not be easy to call out your friends but it’s not easy to constantly be the recipient of these comments and harassment. It’s time for not all men to stand up and be counted.
Not cycling, but the mountaineering world is chock full of this as well. Some of my 'favourites': the man who accosted me on a high peak in the Lakes one December afternoon with the line 'you do realise it's going to get dark soon?'; the man, also in the Lakes on a different day, who informed me I should be in boots not the trainers in which I'd been to 5,000m in the Himalaya a few weeks before; the Italian guide in the Himalaya who had no relationship to me but insisted on re-doing my abseil set up after I'd done it exactly correctly myself; the French guy at a crag in Chamonix who took it upon himself to walk over and 'check' the knot on my climbing harness, which just happened to involve him pawing around my groin; the elderly gent on the Malvern hills who informed me I was wearing too little clothing for the 'strong winds' on the summit 5 metres away. Etc etc. And that's not even to get started on the mansplaining from shop assistants.
I have also, obviously climbed with many men who have built my confidence, and very literally put their lives in my hands. But I am absolutely sure that the frequent implicit questioning of my competence, usually by random strangers who have no need to talk to me at all, has held me back from feeling as sure of my self as my skills, fitness and experience should have allowed me to feel. (Yes, I'm angry - and then my default is to try to tone that down, and acknowledge once again that 'it's not all men'.)
Can second ALL of this- particularly in trad climbing which is very much the domain of older men! My partner and I were on a trip to Turkey a couple of years ago at the same time as a large group of older men. I was climbing really well and they were lavishing me with praise and surprised admiration, and my partner was getting a little down that they weren't giving him the same praise for climbing the exact same things. I had to explain it was a double edged sword- sure they were praising me, but that's because as a man, they EXPECTED him to climb that grade, but were surprised when a woman did it.
I'm part of an amazing community of women climbers and I've had some truly wonderful experiences with women at crags the last couple of years, have made me realise that the last thing I should care about is what old men think of me.
Urgh, yes, I am less and less enamoured of the praise I get from men who are clearly only impressed because they expected me to be incompetent.
Communities of women in the outdoors are great though, aren't they? I've been thinking about that a lot this past week.
Oh, these stories are INFURIATING! (I've heard many similar ones from friends who climb and hike and trek.) And since I wrote this piece a couple of weeks ago, I've been thinking of all the ways in which this sustained pattern of behaviour must, as you say, have affected my confidence, and the way I move through the world. I keep remembering times where I've deliberately kept a low profile (despite often being the most capable and experienced person in a group), because I know how tricky some men's behaviour can get when someone threatens their ego.
I'm not going to list out all my experiences because it would take a very long time and I'd rather use this time to say thank you for writing all of those down, and for opening up this space for women to unload.
I read your whole list and some of those are just unbelievable, the gaul of some people!
I'll quickly summarise some of mine: working in a bike shop and the countless times I was overlooked and outright ignored for a male colleague when they wanted advice I could readily give, or simply being asked "is there someone I can talk to about X?", which I would respond to with "yes, me".
Working in the cycling media (and for once I'm going to be explicit and say it: for Bikeradar) and having my male colleagues literally talk over my head like I wasn't there, getting the opinion of everyone sat at the bank of desks except mine, telling me every time I pitched an idea for women's content, "it's not a priority", and not being invited to their weekend rides, presumably on the assumption that I couldn't do them.
Here's a lovely specific example: being looked up and down with gormless confusion when I told a man I'd ridden 200km in a day (yes I'm fat, get over it).
So many similar examples to yours as well - having a wheel snatched out of my hands while in the middle of fixing my own puncture, being mistaken for someone letting her male partner fix her bike when he's actually fixing his own, being called at from a car to "pedal harder and catch up" to the complete strangers on their own ride further up the road from me, because heaven forbid a woman has a nice time riding on her own, and just all the sheer disbelief that I can happily pedal out into the middle of nowhere and sleep in a bivvy bag without fear of being raped and murdered left, right and centre, like that's the only reality I should be prepared to accept.
Argh! Why are there so many?!
Yes, I was thinking about Bikeradar when I wrote this. And sadly they're not the only ones.
That's interesting (and reassuring) to hear. I've often felt quite isolated and unable to talk about my experience working for them. And I agree they're not the only ones at all. Just my experience working there was particularly damaging to my mental health.
Yep, can definitely identify with some of these. The thing I encounter most often is blokes suddenly finding extra energy when you pass them and then chasing hard just to show you who's boss. Even in the city - one time I had a guy come up to me stopped at the lights: "You're actually quite fast. I was having trouble keeping up." (Ok, but why do you have to?) Also had the "you're doing great" while being passed by a bloke on an e-bike going uphill (yes, I know) - and had to call my husband out for making a similar comment when we passed a woman cycling uphill on her own.
Ugh, the double standards!
I have lived for 40 years with a lovely man who is far more competent and experienced in bike mechanics than I am. But I often ride solo, I coach cycling and lead groups and I know enough to be self sufficient and to help others with roadside repairs. I observe this lovely man jumping in to assist other riders because he IS competent and he IS quick to get punctures repaired or mechanical glitches fixed. In fairness to him he does not discriminate between men and women who need help but what frustrates me is that his capability gets in the way of my learning when we are together. He has great difficulty holding back from giving me help and advice even when I ask him to leave me to work things out for myself or when I tell him his help is not welcome. He thinks I am being ungracious, and he is right. Because there is no gracious way to tell someone to butt out. Especially when they may then have to stand by and watch you make a pigs ear of whatever you are attempting to do.
I am a kinetic and a visual learner. For me, looking at a problem and taking the time I need to reach a solution (which sometimes involves seeking help) is empowering and satisfying and embeds the learning. In a group of women cyclists the problem solving is markedly different from in a group with men. Emily you are so right that most men step in regardless of whether they know what they are doing or talking about, just because of an assumption that however hopeless they may be their Y chromosomes must make them more useful than any of the women. Without doubt I am more skilled in bike mechanics than at least half of the men I ride with.
But I see and hear women on every club ride deferring to male riders whenever a problem occurs and willingly standing aside while men interfere with their bikes. If we are going to change men's attitudes we need women to take ownership of the bikes they ride and take responsibility for understanding what they need know to keep their wheels rolling and their brakes braking.
I like riding with women. I am attracted to other women riders. I often pedal faster to try to catch them up and always strike up conversations with them if I can. Women on bikes are invariably competent women. Not necessarily competent bike mechanics but competent people who have the ability to look at problems and work out what to do when things go wrong without help or intervention from men.
On multi day events it is the camaraderie of the women that I love and the feeling that I am respected and accepted for what I am doing without it being a big issue or a talking point. And I always seek out other women when looking for help. Unless the lovely man I have spent the last 40 years with is nearby, and on those occasions he just recognises what I need before I know myself and he jumps right in and fixes it for me.
Ah yes, it's such a complex problem, isn't it? I won't pretend I'm not grateful, sometimes, when someone swoops in and offers to help me with something. I've also been thinking a lot this past week about how some of us instinctively defer to men. I know I've done this in the past, and I think it probably does just exacerbate the problem. But often it feels like the easiest option, because men can behave so badly when they're challenged, or their egos are threatened. I can see how a lot of women probably just want to follow the path of least resistance. I'm going to try to do so less in the future. (And also to spend more time riding with women, when all of this ceases to be an issue.)
Thanks so much for your very considered and thought-provoking comment.
I believe it is all an innate programming that all men are wired with; playing the knight in shining armor to save any fair maiden who I s pedaling upon thy two wheeled chariot!
It was a man who cycled up behind my group in Richmond Park and said: you need to check your rear wheel skewer-it’s loose. I knew this was unlikely, for a start I think I would feel if my skewer was loose. I stopped to check, while calling to my group that I’d try to catch them up. My skewer was not loose. He had been confused by the shape of it and assumed it was loose.
I do think that he was trying to be kind and I do hope that he would have stopped anyone if he thought there was a problem with their bike………..
Thanks for this post, Emily. You have done a service to men as well as women - the essential point you make is all the starker for being largely in the form of men’s own crass words and deeds. Incidentally male cyclists also often behave in a way that makes other men feel excluded, for example by assuming knowledge, or using off colour language. Not everyone knows or cares about the details of their drive chain: asking me if that’s a 46/33 will result in a glazed look at best…
It's been very interesting to see, in people's reactions to this essay, how many men also find themselves on the receiving end of behaviour like this. I don't think it entirely removes the gendered element of it, but it's helping me understand the scope of this behaviour a bit better.
Thanks Emily. After I left my comment it occurred to me that you and others might think I was trying to make this about men, rather than what women suffer, which certainly wasn’t my intention. I totally agree that women suffer far more than other men from terrible male behaviour.
I genuinely hope I don't act in this way towards females, cyclists or otherwise. I certainly hope I haven't towards your good self. What I will say is with a lifetime of cycling behind me mainly on the road, but also off road and in self supported bike packing events, I am not particularly hands on and welcome anyone with more expertise and knowledge of bike mechanics than I. If the individual is not of the male gender do I care, not one jot. At 68 years old I'll happily accept a problem shared is a problem halved and usually solved.
Women. Not females. We are people, not specimens from another species.
…seriously? A man just gave a thoughtful, open-minded, and supportive comment, and the first thing you do is criticize him? This is a huge reason so many of us hesitate to engage in this sort of soul searching—you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
How about you stop letting your feelings be hurt at a simple, neutral correction? No one criticized Kevin, or tried to shame him for his use of ‘females’, they provided a better word choice and explained why we don’t like being called ‘females’.
Now you may wish to prepare yourself because here’s where I DO get insulting:
Gods, and they say WOMEN are the emotional ones. 🙄🙄
Yes, seriously. Language matters. Meaning matters. The word “female” is de-humanizing. Do you call yourself a male, or a man?
I’m both because they’re the same thing. Neither term offends me, particularly given the context.
Kevin basically agreed with the author and promised to be mindful of his behavior, and he did so in polite and reasonable fashion. You’re missing the forest for the trees by complaining about his nomenclature, imo.
It’s a good piece and a timely reminder for us men who may even subconsciously be disrespectful. However it’s important to balance this; I could mirror many of your examples , that is a man talking to me (a male) about tyres, distance, ability, competence, etc etc. usually patronising , sometimes aggressively, sometimes in awe. I’ve come accept that in the most part it’s well meaning and not disrespectful to me as a cyclist. Of more concern to me as a male, is how generally women put themselves down with comments ‘I don’t go as fast, far etc’ as you. Before they’ve even ridden with me.
Yes, it's been very interesting to learn that men sometimes suffer from this behaviour as well.
I don’t consider it as a ‘suffer’ . It’s usually genuinely well meant even if the delivery might not be as one would wish. Perhaps one should see the general picture as another human, being curious, kind and awed.
Definitely had the puncture one even in a big group of women cyclists all waiting while we sorted a puncture. It shut him up though when I got out my mini compressor pump.....women definitely not expected to have anything gadgety 😃
Saw a social media post recently from a man trying to pass a woman on a technical downhill section in a MTB race, she asked him to wait. He promised to show her the best line if she slowed and let him pass. She gave him what for as he persisted in hassling, riding just behind her. The poster was quite offended that she didn't respond as he wanted. The comments underneath depressingly missed the point completely. 🙄
It’s an especially interesting experience to be training and completing century rides in a fat lady body. The men REALLY have a lot to say then.
I bet they do!
One of my current theories on this is that some men feel extremely threatened when they're doing something they find challenging, and along comes a person they perceive as weaker or lesser - achieving exactly the same thing they are. So while the way they react to us can feel very personal, it's really just a frantic and desperate attempt to salvage their own ego, and rewrite the situation so that they can keep on being the hero of their own story. Not that that really makes it any better, of course.
Men throughout their lives are told ‘boys will be boys’, so when it’s time to be a man they don’t know! They don’t know. And I’m sick of it, we all are. As women we are conditioned to behave well, to be heard not seen, to present ourselves a certain way whilst men get away with everything. Society needs to do better. Men need to do better. We’ve done our part and now we need to be loud about it more than ever. Complicity is a silent killer.
This made for such uncomfortable reading, and I'm so glad it exists and that I sat through it, reading with secondhand (and, thankfully, only some firsthand) embarrassment. Thank you, thank you for writing this. Not all men indeed, but more than enough that the rest of mandom has the weight of responsibility to right their wrongs.
It was a man who told me «You can go now» when I had to slam on the brakes at a crosswalk with a red pedestrian crossing light after someone's dog ran away and crossed the street, which was full of cars and bicycles at full speed. It was chaos as everyone stopped trying to find the dog's owner. When she was found nearby, this man out of nowhere said to me: «Get on your bike. You can go now». Clearly he considered himself the one in authority among all those involved. Thank you for your post!
I've had this in running. Out in the hills with a group of guys in the running club. I knew I was slower than them, they knew it. One of them offered to make sure I wasn't dropped, maybe do a shorter run with me to ensure we were back at the same time as the group - this happened in bigger groups, I just happened to be the only slower....and female....runner in the group. The caring guy who offered to stay with me was up the front, almost literally a mile away. at some point someone else noticed I was behind by a way, paused and waited for me to catch up. I simply said I was going to head home.....oh then came the "are you sure you can find your way off the hill safely".....errr, obviously, I'm a mountain leader and teach navigation, and know these hills really well - this is what I knew to be the truth. I honestly can't remember what I replied, but was left feeling incredibly let down by the 'caring' guy who didn't give a toss about the false promise and the lack of concern as he ran off with the group in the opposite direction to me.
All of this. Thank you for articulating this Emily. It’s not all men but it is always a man. Can we add bike shops to the list of places that are intimidating? We had a wonderful, inclusive, friendly shop which sadly closed and now use the next closest one - I don’t drive so have little choice if my bike is broken! The difference in experience me and my (male) partner have there is stark. I won’t go in there alone unless it’s desperate.
I have some very good bike shop stories, and some very bad ones.
Was very sad recently to hear that one of my favourites - Brixton Cycles - has closed its doors. They were always very decent to customers, and are probably responsible for me not giving up cycling during my first six months on the road.
But yes, some of the people who work in bike shops really don't get it, and sadly we don't always get a choice of which ones we use.